“I just don’t feel connected. I just don’t feel plugged in.”
If I had a dollar for every time someone said this to me, I’d be wealthy. It’s one of the most common struggles I encounter—this deep longing for authentic connection and belonging. People drift through life feeling isolated, even when surrounded by others. They attend church but feel like spectators. They live in neighborhoods but barely know their neighbors.
But here’s a phrase that might change your perspective entirely: The way for you to feel connected is for you to choose to serve the very thing you want to be connected to.
The Barnabas Model: Building Connection Through Contribution
In my book Stay Strong, I explore the remarkable story of Barnabas—nicknamed “Son of Encouragement” by the early church. While others focused on what they could get from community, Barnabas consistently looked for ways to contribute.
When the early church needed financial support, Barnabas sold his field and gave the proceeds. When Saul of Tarsus (later Paul) needed someone to believe in him after his conversion, Barnabas vouched for him when everyone else was afraid. When young John Mark needed a second chance after disappointing Paul, Barnabas invested in him—and that young man became the author of the Gospel of Mark.
Barnabas understood a fundamental truth: connection follows contribution.
Community in Layers: Where You Can Serve
Think about community in expanding circles:
Your Inner Circle: Family Start here. If you want to feel loved by your spouse, start loving your spouse. Want deeper connection with your kids? Choose to serve them consistently, especially when they seem to push you away. God chose you for this family—it’s your first and most fundamental community.
Your Extended Family: Church Community Your faith community needs your contribution to thrive in its mission. This isn’t about massive commitments—look for ways to add value rather than just consume. Volunteer, encourage others, help with practical needs.
Your Broader Context: Neighborhood and City God told the exiles in Babylon to “seek the peace and prosperity of the city” where they’d been placed (Jeremiah 29:7). You’re not just passing through your community—you’re planted there with purpose.
The Focus Principle That Changes Everything
Here’s a truth that will transform your relationships: What you focus on is what you move toward.
If you constantly focus on what you’re not getting from community—how they don’t appreciate you, include you, or meet your needs—you’ll find yourself moving away, becoming more isolated and bitter.
But when you focus on what you can contribute, how you can serve, where you can add value, you naturally move toward deeper connection and greater fulfillment.
Your Next Step
Don’t let this be just another inspiring idea you forget by next week. Ask God: “Where have You called me to contribute?
What community do You want me to serve?”
Start where you are. Choose one specific way you’ll begin contributing more intentionally—whether it’s being more present with family, volunteering at church, or simply getting to know your neighbors’ names.
Remember: you’re not just trying to get connected—you’re called to help build the kind of community that reflects God’s heart to the world.
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