My son Jackson has always been my shadow.  Since before he could walk he would follow me everywhere he could.  He was mowing the lawns with his plastic mower several times a week by the age of two, because “Daddy bow dawns!”  (That’s “Daddy mows lawns” for those of you too old to remember child speak!)

When I got into investment properties and went on a buying spree he was my right hand man.  I used to love teasing the Real Estate agents by asking Jackson “What do you think buddy?” and look like I was seeking his advice before committing to buy.

Funnily enough his story also involves flying, but I didn’t plan it that way.  He was a lot older than his sister when this story took place and did not, for one second, consider launching himself off the side of a building.  You see, Jackson has a fear of heights.  Who knows where that came from; he wasn’t born with that fear.  But he is always very cautious around heights.

When he turned ten we wanted a special occasion to mark his coming of age as he entered “double figures”.  We talked about all sorts of experiences he could enjoy, being careful not to push too hard in the direction of parachuting or bunjy jumping.  His first choice was swimming with the dolphins.  “Safe choice” I thought and we made the arrangements.  But something happened and the dolphin had to cancel – that’s right, the dolphin died – so, no swimming anymore.

Jackson and spent a few hours on the internet looking at different options.  He had already invited family to come and share the occasion so he was keen to make the trip worth it.

I cautiously suggested a Glider flight.  And he cautiously answered “oooo-kk-kk-aaaaay”.

We looked at websites of glider flights, we read the safety information several times, and we looked at dozens of photos showing the glorious views accessible from the glider.  To my surprise he agreed it was something he wanted to do.  We made a few calls and organized the details.  It was weather dependant so we prayed for a fine day.

On his birthday we all arrived at the airstrip, spotted the gliders and met the pilot.  He sat Jackson in the front seat as they polished the glider and checked things over.  So far, so good.

We agreed to meet the flight crew and glider at the end of the runway in one hour, so we headed off to meet for a coffee at a nearby winery.  To be honest, I was nervous the delays were going to hinder the confidence Jackson was showing… but I wasn’t prepared for what happened.

We returned to the end of the runway where the glider was waiting and Jackson got out of his Aunty’s car in tears.  Kathy and I looked at each other and said “Oh no” in unison.  I quickly ran over to him and tried to reassure him in the best way I thought I could.  He wasn’t in a talking mood so I talked about all sorts of things, except the wind and the clouds.

The pilot was fantastic, very encouraging and understanding as he never wavered in his process.  He carefully showed Jackson how the glider flew, turned and landed.  He showed Jackson how to hold on if there were “bumps” and pointed in the direction of the coast they were going to explore.

I will never forget the look of fear in Jackson’s eyes.  His tears and sobs were not very well stifled, and every one of his relatives looked at me as if to say “What the heck are you doing to this child??!”

They closed the top and Jackson’s eyes never left the back of the headrest in front of him.  As the plane towed the glider down the runway we waved furiously, hoping to see a smile in the bouncing glider.  But Jackson was already holding tight in the safety position, frozen like a statue.

As the glider lifted off the ground and circled to cruising altitude Kathy and I looked at each other and asked “Have we done the right thing?”  It was a very long wait on the ground, I can tell you!

We were made to wait, almost as penance for our sins.  For forty minutes the glider circled and swooped, often out of sight amongst the clouds.  “Surely everything must be okay if they are staying up there?” Kathy asked, almost rhetorically.  I chose not to answer.

As the glider floated into land on the runway we nervously waited to collect our psychologically damaged son.  But, thankfully, that was not the result.

As the glider bounced across the ground we saw an arm pumping in a furious wave of excitement, and a grin the size of Texas beaming through the Perspex canopy.  Elated doesn’t begin to describe how we felt.  But what we witnessed will remain etched in my memory for the rest of my life.

Jackson leapt from his seat as soon as his restraints were released, pausing only for a moment to kiss the grass, he sprinted towards his Mum, (who was also running, I might add), and gave her the biggest hug his little arms could muster.  “I did it Mum, I did it Mum, I did it Mum” he kept repeating.  “Awesome” was his response when I asked him how the flight was.

As we drove away Kathy and I recounted the experience of the afternoon.  To be honest, we were both pretty whacked emotionally.  But there was one observation we made that taught me a huge lesson.

Teaching Your Kids To Find New Boundaries

Our kids won’t grow unless we help them to stretch.  Remember when your children were learning to walk?  How many times did you let them fall?  Answer, as many times as it took for them to learn to walk.  Sure, you provided help along the way, but falling was part of the learning.

Here’s the observation Kathy and I made that afternoon after the Glider flight.

Whilst Jackson cried quite a bit and had the look of fear in his eyes that would make you wince, he never once said he didn’t want to do it.  This was just his way of dealing with the fear – and he actually wanted to conquer it.

And from that observation I learnt that we need to push our kids a little more than we think to help them to learn how to overcome their fears.  Or in the case of goals, we need to let them experience success and failure so they can mature well rounded with a healthy perspective on life.

As we talked later I told him how proud I was of him, how excited I was that he got to get way up in the air even though he was scared.  And do you know what Jackson said back to me?  “Dad”, he said, “today I half conquered my fear.”  He was prepared to accept that he was not yet ready to jump off a building, but he knew that he could beat his fear if only he was prepared to face it head on.  And because of that experience he know had a reference point for achieving something worthwhile because he did what he knew he had to.  And that, my friends, is the definition of success.

You can allow your kids to learn this lesson with money.

When you help them to identify bigger goals, goals they may not be able to quite reach, you are helping them to stretch themselves beyond their comfort zone.  And when you do this and show them how they can achieve it they suddenly learn a principle of attracting success in life:  setting big goals and discovering ways to conquer them.

And when your child set s a big goal and doesn’t quite make it you have another fantastic opportunity to help them the as well.  You see, most of our learning when we started to walk came from falling down.  You can use these “half steps” as learning points to help them work towards the goal.  Thomas Edison had 10,000 “half steps” towards inventing the light bulb, and he viewed every single one as progress!

The second principle for you to remember is:

You can help your children to attract success by teaching them how to set big challenges and give them the confidence to face those challenges.